Infinite Monkeys

Supermodel comes up with a super 'green' idea

Cindy Crawford, considered one of the smarter supermodels in the stable, told ABC News this week that her experience as a mother has led to an "eco-awakening."

“I mean, we’ve all have seen the Al Gore movie and green is on ... it’s on top of the mind for everybody,” Crawford said. “But, it is overwhelming. I have a very full life as well, so it’s like ‘Oh, I can’t compost my own stuff.’”

No, she can't possibly compost her own stuff. It's messy and smelly -- the kind of stuff, like, ugly people do. But she'll try to do what she can.

“My kids go to a school in Malibu and it’s super-environmentally conscious,” Crawford said. “We do beach clean-ups, try to use less plastic as a school. And so, that kind of made me think, 'what can I do?' "

I presume Cindy didn't just yesterday start instructing her nanny to drop the kids off at school for Malibu-style "super-environmentally conscious" indoctrination. So maybe this awakening has something to do with a new endorsement deal ...

"I teamed up with PUR, which is a water filtration company. They do the things you can attach to your faucets, as well as those pitchers ..."

Um, yeah. We've heard of them. You know, with all the PUR TV commercials, the displays in the Piggly Wiggly and Wal-Mart and stuff. Those are called "stores" owned by what's called "retail companies." They do the things, like, where you pick something off the shelf, take it to the counter, pay for it, and take it home. Anyway, now for Cindy's big idea!

"... we came up with a reusable water bottle.”

Wow! Really?! You mean you can take those bottles of Fiji or Adirondack or Dasani, and when you drink it all down, you can put them back under the faucet and refill them? Never thought of that. Of course, I never thought of charging $19.99 for special "reusable" water bottles on a website, either. So maybe I'm the dummy.

Cindy laments that Americans use 50 billion bottles of water every year, "and only 50 percent are recycled. So that's like 38 billion that aren't recycled." Umm .... math is hard. So let's have my hilarious friend Jon at Exurban League do the figuring for us.

Let's see... 50 Billion x 50% = 25 Billion, subtract the loss factor, add in the safety margin, carry the missing supermodel brain cells... yep, 38 billion!

It's bad enough that environmental scolds like Ed Begley Jr. wag their fingers at ordinary Americans for not caring enough about the Earth to ditch the internal combustion engine and hitch a donkey to the SUV for the morning commute. But it is exponentially more annoying for Cindy Crawford to encourage us to be green -- at $19.99 a pop -- when she lives in the house below:

That's right. Four (count 'em)  structures on her beachfront Malibu estate -- each larger than the one I live in. Tell you what, Cin. I'll keep recycling and reusing water bottles my way, and I'm sure I'll make up for your carbon footprint -- as long as I live until 2751. Good to know you're doing your part!

By the way, don't go over to RedBlueAmerica anymore. They suck.