Infinite MonkeysYou are The Chemist, Dr. Monkeystein's lab assistant. Today your master has decided it's time to exact justice upon a fast devolving society. he has spent many years and sacrificed many lives trying to obtain the nuclear components necessary to adequately power his Ape Ray.
If calculations are correct, the activated Ape Ray should fire a current that will turn every living person on the face of the earth into apes within a matter of seconds.
You stand on a mountaintop and watch Dr. Monkeystein lift up a snifter of Grey Goose vodka and say, "Soon, my Ape Ray will circle the globe! Everyone on the planet will become chimpanzees, gorillas or orangatangs ala the movie "The Planet of the Apes" (the original version, not the hackeyneyed version with Mark Wahlberg)! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
You and the doctor climb all the way down the mountain and steer your hover pod under the riverbed to Dr. Monkeystein's laboratory deep under the surface of the earth. You calibrate the Ape Ray so that tomorrow morning it will be ready to do the jungle boogie.
The End.
(Hat tip: Girls are Pretty.)
Posted by Dr. Monkeystein at January 11, 2005 08:20 PM | TrackBackI think we humanoids already are "primates", strictly speaking. And what about lemurs and tarsiers? I don't wanna be no "damned dirty ape."
Posted by: JamesPh. at January 11, 2005 08:29 PMIf you're gonna make me an ape, I wanna be an orangutan... the most soulful of the apes.
Posted by: Ex-Monkey Ben at January 11, 2005 08:38 PMThe oange-a-tang is the most "soulful" of the apes?
I give you "Clyde" from "Every Which Way You Can."
Oh yeah, THAT's soulful.
Posted by: JamesPh. at January 12, 2005 09:54 AMSo do the Dolphins get turned into Monkeys also? If so, do they become the 'lesser apes'?
Posted by: JoBob at January 12, 2005 01:33 PM