Infinite MonkeysOne of the best parts of my job—aside from the large weekly ration of booze and the hot- and cold-running chicks, I mean—is receiving dozens upon dozens of books in the mail every week from publishers, for free. Granted, most of these are not, if you will pardon the cliche, worth the paper they're printed on. Even though I've grown accustomed to disappointment ("Oh great, the new Chalmers Johnson is here..."), I don't think a day has gone by in the last four years when I haven't felt at least a little twinge of excitement over the latest arrival.
Hugh Hewitt's new book, If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat, arrived today, a week before it's due to hit store shelves, and I must admit that I was excited as a kid on Christmas morning. "Splendid! Who will Hugh slander now?" I wondered aloud to nobody in particular.
To which nobody in particular replied: "Slander is spoken. When it's in print, it's called libel."
"Yes, of course, quite right," I said. "Now pipe down, or it's back to the cornfield with you!"
"Now, see here...!," Nobody cried, stopping short with a choking gasp as I struck him hard with my palm, right in the Adam's apple...
But I digress.
The subtitle of Hugh's book is "Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It." That is, I think you will agree, a pretty bold statement. It is something of a departure, too, from his previous book, which instructs Christians on how to make their way in this rough-and-tumble world of ours. But, despite Hewitt's reputation for shucking and jiving, the title is fitting. We are at war, after all. The War on Terrorism is a real war, not one of those fake wars Americans have grown so cynical about, like the War on Drugs, the War on Poverty, or the Spanish-American War. As Hewitt writes in the introduction,
The book's premise is quite simple: there are millions of people who would like to see the United States destroyed, or if not destroyed, then deeply wounded and humbled. Among these millions are the tens of thousands of terrorists or would-be terrorists actively engaged in an effort to inflict such injuries upon the United States so as to unhinge it or cower it......we are entering a political season unlike any other in the country's history. Never before has a presidential election been conducted in the course of a war the very reality of which is denied by a significant portion of the population.
...The war in which we find ourselves is likely to continue for many election cycles. It is the single issue on which the campaign of 2004 ought to be conducted, and almost certainly the single issue on which the campaigns of 2006, 2008, and beyond ought to be conducted.
There you have it. The 255 pages or so that follow are devoted to hammering that point home. Since I only got the book this afternoon, I can't pretend to have read much more than a few dozen pages. Like Hewitt's last book, In, But Not Of, most of the chapters are very short, and read fast. He urges Republicans to set aside some of their more strident positions in favor of defeating Democrats. "This isn't a policy wonk book," he writes at the beginning of his chapter on "Abortion, Guns, and the Environment." "It is about winning elections in a time of war when bad electoral results can disable a war effort and result in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans. Because the focus is on winning elections, it is necessary to look at particular issues from the perspective of whether they advance the cause of electing candidates who will defend the country vigorously and effectively." Single-issue "absolutists" don't fare will in Hugh's book. "The time and money that gun absolutists spend attacking GOP politicians who embrace the consensus position [on gun control, i.e., banning so-called assault weapons] are wasted. Put the effort into strengthening the party across the board." And so on.
I'll confess to looking first for the one chapter I knew would be of special interest to me, and to my fellow monkeys. It comes about two-thirds of the way through the book, under the heading "Controlling the Information Flow, Part 4: Using the Blogosphere." He also includes an appendix, which he calls "A Beginner's Guide to Blogs."
It's... well, it's exactly what I've come to expect from Hugh. Did you know he's an attorney and a former employee of a certain Richard Milhous Nixon? I'm not saying that makes him a bad guy. On the contrary, I'm simply suggesting that he would stick a shiv in you if it served his purpose. But at least he'd be good enough to look you in the eye when he did it. He might even smile.
Anyway, here's what Nix..., er, Hewitt, has to say about blogging. "The two most annoying blogs in the world are Fraters Libertas, and Infinite Monkeys. Read them only with extreme caution."
And that's basically it. Oh, there's some other general stuff about how blogging is a growing and important medium, blah-de-blah-de-blah. "Blog is short for 'Web log,'" he usefully informs us. "There are millions of blogs..." And so on. You get the idea.
But enough about that. Let's get back to those "annoying blogs."
Annoying? Annoying?!? That's Messrs. Annoying to you, Nationally Syndicated Talk Show Guy! Call us vain, if you like. And pompous. And drunk. But, please, do call us.
One last thing: Hewitt needs to find a better publisher. I'm sure the people at Nelson Books (a division of Thomas Nelson Publishers) are fine, upstanding human beings. But the book is printed on very cheap paper—slightly better than paperback quality for a hardcover book. I mention this because, despite Hugh's cheap shots and typically smug assertions, the book deserves to be read, if only for the quotes at the beginning of each section. However, it's difficult to read when you've spilled your rum-and-cranberry juice cocktail on pages 188 through 209 (hypothetically speaking, of course; your spills may vary...).
If It's Not Close... is due to hit bookstores on July 1. Read it, but, by all means, exercise "extreme caution."
Posted by Ben at June 24, 2004 12:02 AM | TrackBack